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The Calm City
Thursday, October 16, 2003
Thinking about pregnancy...
Naw, I'm a guy, I couldn't be pregnant, but if my girlfriend was, which she's not, then it would effect me as greatly as it did her. Michigan doesn't allow abortion so we would have to travel to Illinois. I don't know how well that would go.
Today at lunch, Vicky said she would either get an abortion or *imitates gun with fingers* kill herself. I really felt like crying in US History. That's what you're supposed to do, you cry. I couldn't cry, Chelsey was entertaining me.
That whole subject turns me off now. I told her today, "Vicky, we're waiting till we're married, this is our lesson, us freaking out like this."
You should have seen her face. "From now on, whenever we're like this, I'll do this" *Imitates gun*. She almost cried there, "WHAT?!?"
I'm afraid that single moment at lunch will turn me off for a long time. Its not like I'm punishing her! I'll have to tell her that. I'm just protecting us. I hate the possibity of pregnancy. Some day, we're gonna be actually trying and not be able to. Won't that suck? It makes me frusterated, I hate that.
We want sex, I'm surprised we haven't lost our virginity. Well, hey, I'm still a virgin, and we're scared that she might be pregnant. Its possible. I keep thinking
What do we have to look forward to when we're older? Maybe no sexual anything will help that. Or one day, there'll be a dance and we'll get home and just go to maybe oral sex. We'll feel like that was the most awesome night. Too bad we have these days only to look back on, where we're just a couple of horny teens.
Not just. We're in love. True love. I know I am, and I just don't want her to leave me. The thought of that scares me though.
If she were pregnant now, I don't know what we would do besides literally die. We couldn't live with it. She's NOT though, I know it. I just wish we had the reassurance. "Reassurance is the best thing in the world."
Naw, I'm a guy, I couldn't be pregnant, but if my girlfriend was, which she's not, then it would effect me as greatly as it did her. Michigan doesn't allow abortion so we would have to travel to Illinois. I don't know how well that would go.
Today at lunch, Vicky said she would either get an abortion or *imitates gun with fingers* kill herself. I really felt like crying in US History. That's what you're supposed to do, you cry. I couldn't cry, Chelsey was entertaining me.
That whole subject turns me off now. I told her today, "Vicky, we're waiting till we're married, this is our lesson, us freaking out like this."
You should have seen her face. "From now on, whenever we're like this, I'll do this" *Imitates gun*. She almost cried there, "WHAT?!?"
I'm afraid that single moment at lunch will turn me off for a long time. Its not like I'm punishing her! I'll have to tell her that. I'm just protecting us. I hate the possibity of pregnancy. Some day, we're gonna be actually trying and not be able to. Won't that suck? It makes me frusterated, I hate that.
We want sex, I'm surprised we haven't lost our virginity. Well, hey, I'm still a virgin, and we're scared that she might be pregnant. Its possible. I keep thinking
What do we have to look forward to when we're older? Maybe no sexual anything will help that. Or one day, there'll be a dance and we'll get home and just go to maybe oral sex. We'll feel like that was the most awesome night. Too bad we have these days only to look back on, where we're just a couple of horny teens.
Not just. We're in love. True love. I know I am, and I just don't want her to leave me. The thought of that scares me though.
If she were pregnant now, I don't know what we would do besides literally die. We couldn't live with it. She's NOT though, I know it. I just wish we had the reassurance. "Reassurance is the best thing in the world."
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
Like I've said in my other diary, known to me as "the real diary," people get jealous. Men get jealous more often, like me, but women get wildly jealous. I'm talking about me for a second though, getting jealous SO often and sometimes at the dumbest things. Sometimes there's never anything to be jealous about. Like now. I feel funny and I don't know why.
Vicky and I are close, really close, so any little thing that happens between us, hurts. I'm not hurting right now, I'm just saying I need love. Love love love, I'm not talking about sex. Sex is totally different than love. I'm talking about true love, the kind I may be in right now. May?
I dunno anything. If anything were to happen, I'd die, I would just hate myself, never forgive myself and then live like that forever. Love is a damned powerful thing.
I'm in love, I know I am, but I'm wondering what I want in my life, that's all. I'm wondering if Vicky will make it so I can't go off to Hollywood, I wonder if she'll hold me back. Actually, NO, I'm wondering if I will ever care if she holds me back. I do not know, I'm kinda scared. Whenever she asks about the future, I don't know what the hell I'm gonna say. Its an on-the-spot decision, it seems.
High school is bullshit. I wanna go away, with Vicky, and live. We're so close right now, too close.
I was talkin to my cousin last night, who has been in a very close relationship for about a year and a half. She has ups and downs and said the longer we're together, the more we fight. Why the hell are people like that?
I don't fight with anybody, I'm all good in that department.
I'm wondering if we'll ever get sick of each other. No matter what, I won't get sick of her and I cannot imagine a life without her, but...
Haha, I'm 15 years old and ready to be married. Or not. Probably not when I'm 18.
Sex though, another kind of love, but has a lot to do with love. If the sex is good, then its only 10% of the relationship. If its not so good, then its 90%. WHOA, alrighty. Now we're talking about birth control. The biggest percent of people these days having sexual intercourse is the 15 year olds. That's me. I'll be surprised if we make it out of this year. If we do, maybe we'll celebrate on New Year's by having sex.
Vicky and I are close, really close, so any little thing that happens between us, hurts. I'm not hurting right now, I'm just saying I need love. Love love love, I'm not talking about sex. Sex is totally different than love. I'm talking about true love, the kind I may be in right now. May?
I dunno anything. If anything were to happen, I'd die, I would just hate myself, never forgive myself and then live like that forever. Love is a damned powerful thing.
I'm in love, I know I am, but I'm wondering what I want in my life, that's all. I'm wondering if Vicky will make it so I can't go off to Hollywood, I wonder if she'll hold me back. Actually, NO, I'm wondering if I will ever care if she holds me back. I do not know, I'm kinda scared. Whenever she asks about the future, I don't know what the hell I'm gonna say. Its an on-the-spot decision, it seems.
High school is bullshit. I wanna go away, with Vicky, and live. We're so close right now, too close.
I was talkin to my cousin last night, who has been in a very close relationship for about a year and a half. She has ups and downs and said the longer we're together, the more we fight. Why the hell are people like that?
I don't fight with anybody, I'm all good in that department.
I'm wondering if we'll ever get sick of each other. No matter what, I won't get sick of her and I cannot imagine a life without her, but...
Haha, I'm 15 years old and ready to be married. Or not. Probably not when I'm 18.
Sex though, another kind of love, but has a lot to do with love. If the sex is good, then its only 10% of the relationship. If its not so good, then its 90%. WHOA, alrighty. Now we're talking about birth control. The biggest percent of people these days having sexual intercourse is the 15 year olds. That's me. I'll be surprised if we make it out of this year. If we do, maybe we'll celebrate on New Year's by having sex.
