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The Calm City
Saturday, December 20, 2003
There was a drama thing today. I went to the high school to work on all the set of "Robin Hood" that I am very excited about being in. I play two parts. Today Vicky came to help with the set. She showed up around 11:40 or so while I got there at 10:15.
She got a part in my play today also. I don't know how or why, but she's going to be in all four productions of "Robin Hood."
She's in all parts of my life now. I don't know why, but I don't like this. When I grow up, will she be like this? When I'm writing a book or a movie or a story of some kind, will she sit down and take over and take credit?
My mom took her picture for the program. She is going to be coming to cast parties too. I don't know why, but I don't like this.
I have a problem here, and its Christmas break.
Fuck.
She got a part in my play today also. I don't know how or why, but she's going to be in all four productions of "Robin Hood."
She's in all parts of my life now. I don't know why, but I don't like this. When I grow up, will she be like this? When I'm writing a book or a movie or a story of some kind, will she sit down and take over and take credit?
My mom took her picture for the program. She is going to be coming to cast parties too. I don't know why, but I don't like this.
I have a problem here, and its Christmas break.
Fuck.
Thursday, December 18, 2003
When you're in a relationship for so long, you're gonna find things wrong with a person, alright? It happens, its normal, but sometimes you gotta vent. You can't go up to your person and say that they're doing these things wrong, they'll take them wrong, or they can't change it.
Vicky and I, we swap sexual stories. Today's lunch was about her writing me this sexual story and wanting me to read it. We love sex, but haven't ever had it. As a matter of fact, we haven't had any kind of sexual play in two weeks, honestly. This is my doing. I was afraid that sex was our only good point. Its not true and I knew it wasn't, but I needed proof. So tomorrow is her birthday, and our two weeks are coming to an end.
But about her stories she wrote, she wrote them last night and wanted to read me parts at lunch. Ashli and her boyfriend, Jose were in front of us, and I was telling her to keep it quiet. She didn't. This isn't what bothered me.
You know when somebody plays pool, they hit a lucky shot, and then say "Oh, that was AWESOME!"
Its like "Okay, you think so, but that actually sucked because it wasn't what you meant to do."
There's one example of this self esteem type thing. Vicky kept saying "Oh, THIS is the best story, its so AWESOME, you're going to love it!"
Okay, well, I'll find out later if I love it or not. Don't tell me that. This is a problem with me, I've never liked people who talk like that. And what can I say to her? I can't say anything. She can't change. She's just gonna think that I think everything is wrong with her. Seriously, one more problem I have with her and I talk to her about it, she's gonna be pissed. I can't say a thing.
There are many things I hate. Women singing to the radio. WHY, ladies? WHY WHY? No, don't do that?
"Who sings that song?"
"JLo does."
"Let's keep it that way."
Singing is annoying. My sisters and my mom do all the time. So does Vicklo. It bugs the hell out of me.
There are many things wrong with every person. I change, I fuckin change for her. If she has a problem, then its no longer a problem. She can't tell me to be happy, even though she does, she can't make me be happy. She makes me happy enough, but she can't by telling me to be happy, that's not gonna change a thing.
I love her still, I love her, I love her, I love her, and that's not gonna change. I'm sure I'll be writing more about this subject. The power of a hidden diary, mmm.
Vicky and I, we swap sexual stories. Today's lunch was about her writing me this sexual story and wanting me to read it. We love sex, but haven't ever had it. As a matter of fact, we haven't had any kind of sexual play in two weeks, honestly. This is my doing. I was afraid that sex was our only good point. Its not true and I knew it wasn't, but I needed proof. So tomorrow is her birthday, and our two weeks are coming to an end.
But about her stories she wrote, she wrote them last night and wanted to read me parts at lunch. Ashli and her boyfriend, Jose were in front of us, and I was telling her to keep it quiet. She didn't. This isn't what bothered me.
You know when somebody plays pool, they hit a lucky shot, and then say "Oh, that was AWESOME!"
Its like "Okay, you think so, but that actually sucked because it wasn't what you meant to do."
There's one example of this self esteem type thing. Vicky kept saying "Oh, THIS is the best story, its so AWESOME, you're going to love it!"
Okay, well, I'll find out later if I love it or not. Don't tell me that. This is a problem with me, I've never liked people who talk like that. And what can I say to her? I can't say anything. She can't change. She's just gonna think that I think everything is wrong with her. Seriously, one more problem I have with her and I talk to her about it, she's gonna be pissed. I can't say a thing.
There are many things I hate. Women singing to the radio. WHY, ladies? WHY WHY? No, don't do that?
"Who sings that song?"
"JLo does."
"Let's keep it that way."
Singing is annoying. My sisters and my mom do all the time. So does Vicklo. It bugs the hell out of me.
There are many things wrong with every person. I change, I fuckin change for her. If she has a problem, then its no longer a problem. She can't tell me to be happy, even though she does, she can't make me be happy. She makes me happy enough, but she can't by telling me to be happy, that's not gonna change a thing.
I love her still, I love her, I love her, I love her, and that's not gonna change. I'm sure I'll be writing more about this subject. The power of a hidden diary, mmm.
